Biological: I have one sister. Doris is sixteen months younger than I and is very different from me. When we were young, she was slim and I was fat. Because she was pale, mom dressed her in bright colors, especially red; I was rosy so my wardrobe was drab. She was athletic and could hit the ball over the fence and run quickly while I was clumsy, falling over my feet and always tagged out. For this reason, she was always one of the first picked for the neighbor teams while I was always the last chosen; no one wanted to get stuck with me. She was outgoing, everyone loved my sister; I was shy and people, especially boys thought I was “cold” or stuck-up. Now, fifty years later, we are still different, but I no longer envy my sister. I am healthy; she suffers from MS. I have had a relatively easy life; for her, life has been cruel: she divorced young and struggled to raise two sons; her younger son accidentally died at the age of 27; she remarried and her then husband went into a diabetic coma and awakened brain-damaged. After five years, she is his advocate, his champion, his faithful wife. I admire her for this; I am sure it is very difficult for her to see the empty shell of the person she once loved. However, with all that has gone bad in her life, Doris is not bitter. She smiles and laughs easily, especially at my expense I am thankful that we share a life-long relationship, one not only based on kinship, but also on friendship. We are sisters for life, friends by choice.
Childhood friend: On the other hand, Ann and I are friends for life, sisters by choice. We adopted each other when I was around ten years old and she became a member of our family, joining us on outings, sharing holidays and meals. We suffered teenage angst together, confiding in each other our innermost secrets and plans, writing long letters while at college, living together after graduation, and then continuing the relationship over fifty years. Unlike with Doris, Ann and I have a lot in common. Like with Doris, Ann and I sometimes are annoyed with each other, sometimes too rattle by life to be very close, but confident, that if one of us needs the other, she would be there. What more can I ask from a sister?
Adult friend: As an adult, it is harder to develop these close friendships; life is so complicated. However, at age 60, I “adopted” another sister, Elizabeth. Unlike with Ann, we are from different backgrounds, have different points of view, different interests. She is articulate, bold, funny, and speaks her mind. We hang out together and help each other. I feel that she knows me and accepts me with all my imperfections and that I can count on her for support and kindness. If, as someone anonymous wrote, “Sisters are for sharing laughter and wiping tears”, then Elizabeth meets the criteria.
Sisterhood: Last year, I walked the Camino de Santiago, 500 miles across northern Spain. While I walked, I talked with women from various countries. I enjoyed talking with the women and I was surprised by how eager they were to tell me their stories. Was it the Camino that makes this happen, or do women just want to be heard, too often silenced by society? I bonded with each woman in a unique way. Is this bonding “sisterhood” or is it just what happens when two people acknowledge each other? Sisters are comfortable with each other and often share their innermost thoughts and feelings. In our conversations, these women let down their defenses and spoke openly with me. Certainly, this is sisterhood.
As many women expressed, the camaraderie, this sisterhood, on the Camino was what made the pilgrimage so special, so uplifting and inspiring. What a pleasure it is to be accepted so openly and completely! Like sisters, the women who shared their stories with me were genuinely happy to see me again further along on the road to Santiago, their warm smiles and embraces made me feel accepted and special, liked a loved family member. I have never had such warm and loving receptions by so many people.
As I reached out to the women on the Camino I realized that women need “sisters” to travel life’s journey. We cannot do it alone. We need to incorporate into our lives that camaraderie that many of the women cherished on the Camino. As in this allegory for life, one just needs to be open to others, to acknowledge them from the heart, and to be willing to spend time together.
In sisterhood, this is my challenge to you: “Don’t walk in front of me and be my leader, don’t walk behind me and be my follower, but walk beside me and be my sister.” ~Unknown
