This is the first of a two-part series on overcoming fear. Part 2 of the series will discuss how I use the technique to conquer my fear to become a FEARLESS writer and to find my voice.
Have you ever been afraid, REALLY AFRAID? Knee-knocking, hyperventilating afraid? Has your heart practically pounded out of your chest when facing a particularly scary moment? That’s the kind of fear I’m talking about.
Having experienced how debilitating that fear can be, some people may become afraid of being afraid. And a vicious cycles begins. Franklin D. Roosevelt said, “there is nothing to fear but fear itself.” Nice sounding words that don’t ring true when you can’t breathe, soil yourself, or vomit from fear.
There are many types of fears, some easier to overcome than others. Some people fear flying, other fear spiders. I fear heights.
I first realized this fear when I started parachute training at the age of 28. My friend, a coworker, and I enrolled in a weekend-long jump school. As part of the training, we needed to jump off a 6-foot platform to learn how to land: bend knees, tuck in, and roll. As I approached the edge of the platform, I froze: six feet was a long way down. As I hesitated on the platform, others in the class asked what was the holdup. Ironically I admitted having a fear of heights. If I wanted to jump out of a plane, I had to jump off the platform. Somehow I mustered my courage, closed my eyes, and dove onto the sandy landing patch.
Amazingly, jumping out of the plane was a lot easier: The ground was so far below me that it fooled my perception of danger. Attached to a static line, I jumped out of the plane (with a hefty slap on the back by the jump master.) I practiced what I learned. With outstretched arms I counted one-thousand, two-thousand, three-thousand. With a jerk, the chute opened and I grabbed the toggles to guide my way down. It was a glorious ride until I started to approach the ground. With each foot of descent, my fear started to rise. I chose not to look down, but off to the horizon, thereby tricking myself out of fear. The event was so enjoyable that I did a repeat performance.
But closing my eyes and pretending there was no need to fear was not a cure for my fear of heights; it was my way of facing the fear and dealing with it. Though manageable, my phobia continues to crop up at the strangest times: stepping off the roof to the ladder, on a wide-open mountaintop, even if I am not near the edge, or when bicycling on a steep downhill.
As the author Taylor Swift said, “FEARLESS is not the absence of fear. It’s not being completely unafraid. FEARLESS is having fears. FEARLESS is having doubts. Lots of them. To me, FEARLESS is living in spite of those things that scare you to death.”
To help me explain how I overcome my fears, I use the mnemonic Fearless:
F – Face my fear. Being scared is an opportunity to be brave. I try to take control of the situation and find a way to make it less frightening. While bicycling down a steep, twisty mountain, I developed a fear of riding off the cliff on one of the turns. To help minimize my fears, I braked—almost all the way down the two-mile incline—while others went soaring ahead of me.
E – Experiment. Conquer the fear in little steps. First I jumped off the 6-foot platform, and then I jumped out of the plane. I find that mastering little fears, makes it easier to master progressively more difficult frightening situations.
A – Ask for help. if necessary. As I peaked a wide-open mountain top, I became dizzy and fearful, even though I was not in any danger. I reached out and grabbed my husband’s hand and immediately felt more grounded, in control, and able to continue on. I don’t have to face my fears alone.
R – Relax. Breathing deeply helps me depressurize the fear.
L – Listen to my gut. I listen for that inner voice or intuition to help me understand why I am fearful or how to minimize that fear. When I jumped out of the plane, I realized that by looking to the horizon, I could manage the panic.
E – End fretting. I don’t let myself be afraid of being afraid. I don’t tell myself that I can’t do something because I am afraid, but rather that I will do something in spite of my fear.
S – Simulate courage. I try to see myself with no fear, confident, able to do whatever I want.
S – Stick to that image of myself as brave. As I see myself as fearless and having to fear, I trick my mind into believing that I am so.
Do you have a phobia? Can you use this FEARLESS technique to overcome your fears? Do you have a different way of coping? Please comment.
