Has this ever happened to you? Creativity is flowing: you can’t typed the words fast enough. Everything is perfect: word selection, sentence structure, plot development. Everything in the universe seems aligned so that you can write; and then, your best friend knocks on your door, the phone rings and from the caller ID you know its your mom who likes to chat, or your child demands attention. What do you do? Pretend you are not home, don’t answer the phone, ignore your child? If only there were a way to prevent these distractions. But, lets be real—there will always be distractions. What you need to do is to learn to manage them.
Set boundaries
The good news is, barring emergencies, there are ways to managing distractions from family and friends. In a previous blog, I talked about setting up a schedule to enable you to write more. Now, you have to let everyone know your schedule. Ask them to respect this time-out for yourself. Tell them you will not answer the door or the phone during this scheduled time. Remind them that writing is your work, and that they would not be interrupting you during working hours if you worked outside the home. If you are serious about maintaining this schedule and don’t cave in to their demands, they will take your writing time seriously.
Setting boundaries with a child can be more difficult. If the child is young, consider having a sitter or placing the child in a play group or in a class. If this is not possible, you have to teach your child when to interrupt you. I know of someone who puts on a special hat to remind family members not to interrupt him when he has his “thinking” cap on. Teach your child how to read the clock and when to anticipate the end of your work time. Afterward, spend time with your child. If you are consistent, your child will learn that there is “your writing time” which is followed by “your shared time”.
In spite of setting boundaries with family and friends and teaching your child to respect your time, there are bound to be unplanned distractions. These distractions also occur in traditional work. Keep a notebook or pad close by to jot down notes about what you were thinking. When you return, refer to the notes to get you back on track.
Make your family and friends your assets
Friends and family can be distractions for writers, or they can be your best assets. Surround yourself with friends who believe in you as a writer, or at least respect your boundaries. Make friends with other writers and support one another. Being around other creative people is inspiring. I love having coffee with Gina Greenlee, a disciplined writer, very prolific. To maintain her writing goals, she limits the time away from writing. By her example, I realized that I, too, have to limit my time with friends if I am to accomplish my goals. It has nothing to do with friendship; it is all about priorities and time-management. Those who accept me on my terms are my true friends.
A writer’s success is often misunderstood. This is especially true of the indie writer. True friends are supportive and help reaffirm your worth as a writer. They rejoice with you with your first publication and encourage you to continue writing. They are empowering.
When a “friend” or family member is super-critical of your work or negatively compares your writing to a world-renowned author, it can be demoralizing. You must mindfully ignore their hurtful remarks and remain confident in your skills. Avoid these naysayers and energy-suckers. Don’t hang around people who make you doubt your abilities: choose your friends. On the other hand, it may be difficult to avoid a critical family member, especially during the holidays. Eliminating these family members from your circle of friends may be easy on Google +, but not so in real life. For suggestions on how to disarm the critical family member, see Surviving the Holidays. For suggestions on dealing with critical parents, see The Love Bug.
“If you have other things in your life – family, friends, good productive day work – then these can interact with your writing and the sum will be all the richer.” ~ Virginia Woolf
What to do
- Avoid distractions, set boundaries.
- Choose your friends wisely, avoid the cynics.
- Don’t listen to the downers, know your self-worth.
- Deal with the irritating family member.
- Surround yourself with supportive family members.
How do you handle the family curmudgeon? What tactics would you recommend?
